by BUbby "CornDoggyDogg" Miller
With Hurricane Floyd gone, I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to paddle the Lower Yough (a "DoggyStyle" river if there ever was one!!), a dam-release, low-water, boney (yeah - dogs LOVE boney runs!) rock splattin’ fest. So I met my paddling buds, Master Z (as in ZZZone) and Spanky at the putin on Saturday morning. The level was bustin’ at 13" and we were looking forward to a SCHWEEEEET run on a SCHWEEEEET day! OH YESH, IT WAS GONNA BE NICHE!!!!! Hopefully this trip report will fulfill the cravings of the millions of CornDogg fans out there. Before you read this, I have just one question for you: Can you smell what the CornDogg is cookin?!?!?
At Entrance, I couldn’t pass up the tiny hole at the top just below the putin. Master Z tried laying the smackdown on this little sucker, but couldn’t quite do it DoggyStyle. The CornDogg picked up where Master Z left off, and did a SCWHEEEET 360 and did it uno, dos, tres (and the CornDogg means uno, dos, tres!!!!) At Cucumber I got a niche boof off the top of Guide Rock, and then we geared up for the most underestimated rapid on the run, Piddley. Piddley gets the CornDogg’s juices flowing every time, and this was no exception. We scouted our lines from the right bank, and Spanky set safety down below. I did a PHAT rock 360 just above the beefy hole and had a very cool (and I mean veeerrrry cool) line on the right tongue and caught the tiny recirculating eddy, just in time for Master Z to start his run. He attempted to lay the smackdown, but got backendered and escaped the hole with a lot of effort. He ended up with a hangnail on his left pinky, a testament to the severity of the repercussions for those who diss Piddley and don’t give it proper respect. Moral of the story: DON’T DISS PIDDLEY !! Some people say Piddley is a 1+ but I must say it earns a solid 2- rating in the CornDogg’s book. I carried up 8 more times and got trashed doggystyle on my last run, so I left Piddley for another day. Laying the smackdown 8 out of 9 times is a SCWHEEEET ratio!!! Afterwards, I thought it proper to rename the 360 rock "BUbby’s Rock." Oooooh, what a coooool rock it is.
I did 639 rock splats before we reached Railroad. On splat #546 (I think) I finally tore a hole through the boat, so we had to do a roody-poo repair job with some duct tape, chewing gum, and a PowerBar. I must say it was a SCWHEEEEET repair job!!!! We tried the hole at Railroad, but it wasn’t doing p-turkey for me, so we headed down to Dimple. We did some squirts at the bridge, but it wasn’t doing p-turkey for me, so I carried up onto the bridge and did a SCWHEEET wheel with a railgrab into the eddy below. Between the bridge and Dimple, I did 893 more splats and the repair job was holding up just fine. At Dimple, we were boat-scouting the approach and I noticed a large protuding boulder about 180 feet up the gorge wall on river left. It was a prototypical doggystyle launch spot that was too good to pass up. I climbed up to the rock (oh, what a SCWHEEEET view!!) and prepared to launch. I was a bit worried about the landing area, Danger Eddy, as it was barely visible through the underbrush. But I saw a clear DoggyLine down through some Rhododendren and poison ivy, leading to a boof off of a oak tree root, then a SCWHEEEET 40-foot drop to the eddy below. I waved to my fans on Pinball Rock and laaauuuunched into space. The first drop went as planned, although my paddle almost got torn from my hands by the tree branches wizzing by. I did a SCWHEEEET rail grab off the tree root and then the move fell apart. My basketball jersey caught air and completely covered my face, obscuring my view. I tumbled DoggyStyle, catching some SIK airwheels, into the eddy below. I must say that 40 feet of blind freefall was the SCWHEEETEST feeling I had ever had, so I climbed up and launched 4 more times with a full blindfold. Did I mention it was SCHEEEEEET?!?!? OH YESH! IT WAS NICHE!!!!
We stopped at Swimmers for a while, where Master Z tried some moves, and then I laid the SmackDown once again. I hit an 89-pointer on river left and did a SIK backblast into a stationary kickflip. OH YESH, IT WAS SCWHEEEET !!! I proclaimed the spot "BUbby’s Hole," and we moved on.
Killer Falls was the spot I was looking forward to all day long. We scouted it on the right, and after we all downed 3 cans of instant gonads, we went for it. Master Z tried the right chute, and did a dogworthy slide through the slot. I launched and did a midair splitwheel before subbing out. I did an underwater rail grab and resurfaced. Oh man, I must say it was SCWHEEEEET!!!!!
The ride home was uneventful until we reached the Youghigheny Lake bridge. I convinced Spanky to launch me over the side and managed to catch 9 airwheels and a SCWHEEEET rail grab before I pitoned into the dry lakebed below. We laughed about it the whole way home, and talked about the moves we could try on our next trip to Ohiopyle. I must say, this trip sure kicked my shiznit CornDoggStyle! Great Falls, Green Narrows, and Mann’s Creek are child’s play compared to a DoggyStyle run on the Lower Yough at 13". Not a run for puppies.
OH YESH !!!!!!! IT WAS SCWHEEEET!!!!!
BUbby "CornDoggyDogg" Miller
(distant cousin and big fan of Bobby Miller)
Team All-In-Good-Fun
;^)
p.s. - stay tuned for more first-hand accounts from the CornDogg!! Next month… the GW Canal.