Three friends were talking about recent events.

"Hey, did you hear about the kayaker who was playing right above a strainer log? Knew it was there, but went ahead anyway."

"Boy, he was sure asking for it."

"I'll say, and he got it. Flipped, couldn't roll up - washed right into the log."

"I remember, the guy got stuck in the branches and drowned."

"-Then his family sued the kayak manufacturer for not having big enough cockpits to get in and out of."

They all shook their heads.

"Man, that got it backwards."

"Stupid."

"Bizarre."

"Hey, but what about the three guys back in New England? Hear about them?"

"Oh Yeah! Where the First Guy got stuck on a rock, Second Guy tried to eddy out and dislocated his shoulder-"

"-And the Third Guy lost a bunch of gear trying to get the Second Guy to shore!"

The three friends all laughed and slapped each other on the back.

"What a joke! Sounds like the Keystone cops in kayaks. A bunch of flailing geeks!"

"No - that's not the point. The Second and Third Guys sued the First! Blamed him for the dislocated shoulder and the lost gear."

"You're kidding! While he was sitting out there broached?"

"That's what happened. Lawyer from the Big City. Bullshit mentality."

"Funky."

"Jesus, what's paddling coming to...?"

"It's not just kayaking. Did you hear the one about the climber who tied in wrong, rope came loose, and he cratered from 40 feet?"

"-And sued the rope manufacturer for not having clear instructions about how to tie the rope."

"Yup!"

"Give me a break!"

"I know, I know, we're talking life-threatening idiocy here - it's just Darwinian selection."

"It goes way past that! What about the burglar who crashed through the skylight of the place he was burglarizing?"

"Now I read about that one. Got hurt, broke a leg or something, then sued the owner of the building?"

"--The guy he was stealing from?"

"God, no!"

"Sorry to say it's true, my friend."

"Just great - Justice will prevail."

"Screwed up thinking."

"Weird shit.

"Guys, I got a better one. Hear about the girl who sued Nike when she tripped over the shoelaces of her new shoes and broke her wrist?"

"Naah!"

"That's Bull!"

"I tell you, it's true!"

"Or the guy who came upon an accident and tried to rescue two girls out of a burning car, but only got one out?"

"Whadda ya mean, only got one out?"

"He was burned badly, couldn't get the second, the car was all in flames."

"And-?"

"Get this - and I'm not making it up - the second girl's family sued him for not getting her out."

"Christ. After he risked his life."

"Sort of puts it all in perspective, don't it?"

"Sued if you do, sued if you don't."

"Shit," they all said together, and looked at each other soberly.

"Our sport is dead."

"Responsibility is dead."

"Our bleeping culture is dead."

"People are fucked."

A feeling of gloom descended upon them.

"To hell with all that!" one said with a cheerful wave. Let's go paddling!"

They glanced edgily at each other - a look that nervously weighed unspoken concerns.

"Well..."

"Uummm... Ok, but we're gonna have to sign an agreement before we go. You know, just so there's no problem if something happens."

"Yeah, so we're on the up and up about things."

"Yup, it's better to make it legal."

"Have Jack write it, he's a lawyer."

"Anyone here a notary? Bill? Here, stamp the form."

"Great! Go by Kinko's on the way out of town and make three copies. We'll be set."

"Alright!!", they all said excitedly. "Let's go paddling!"